I am sad today because Matty went home. I will not see him again for 3 days and I hate that he didn't wake me up! HE JUST LEFT. I texted him why and he said that I needed to rest. I'm pissed that I didn't get to hug him.
It's nice when the person you love is strong enough to accept what's not right in your relationship.
I talked to Matty about how I feel. I told him that I'm used to being around him and that when he's not there and when we can't communicate I feel alone and sad and I fear that this might end in me falling out of love. And he asked what can he do. And I told him to just tell me how he feels about it. And he just hugged me tightly and told me that he loves me so much and that everything's going to be ok. And I was ok. Everything's ok..
So ok, it's already May and my life's been a little chaotic.. from my 1-hour late, to my tight budget (some accounts receivable na i think ma-thank you lang.. hay sakit!), and to my realization that im literally stuck in a rut.. and, although my relationship's steady, i felt certain changes in the way that i feel.. here i go again with my feelings.. i call it "the it's-not-you-it's-me baby stage".. hehehe.. which is really disappointing because i thought i've changed.. it's always been like this.. me falling in love like crazy and then just suddenly, it's gone.. like, in a snap.. hayyy.. and all i can do is breathe and tell the truth.. this is so heartbreaking for me also because i don't want to hurt anybody, especially him, who's been so nice to me, so nice that i can't even find a single sign of imperfection.. even his facial pores are small! promise! haay... so all i can say as of this moment is "AMBOT!" gosh!