Friday, January 6, 2012

There's No Getting Over It

I can't sleep. I'm thinking about papa and the way he died. HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT AT ALL. I'm thinking about what it did to our family. I'm thinking about the future - my future neices and nephews, my future husband and kids wouldn't meet him. They will never hear his laughter, voice, and jokes.They would never know how great he was.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, just like always. Coz everytime I pray, i'm reminded that he's gone and that still, there's no justice. I know that there will be, in God's time.
I have just gone through our old pictures with him. I just got the courage to and it wasn't easy. But slowly i'm trying to accept everything. To be honest I haven't finished reading all the messages I got during his wake because it's just too depressing.
I hate the person who killed my father. I hate the person who paid him to do it. I hate that they did this to our family. I hate that because of them my mother, ate, kuya, and younger brothers kab and mamash are hurting. I hate that my niece Isla will ever hear his advices. And it sucks because WE DON'T KNOW WHY/WHO and WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I don't know if I will ever forgive them, I'm praying to God I will. Hatred is alien to me because I grow up happy, my family's happy.
I tried googling my father and I found this article:
I miss my father everyday and life honestly sucks without him - im sure my family feels the same way.. Oh God..

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