Thursday, November 22, 2012


I knew it's inevitable even when I was as young as 10. Then, I used to imagine my parents and siblings being gone, and I would cry myself to sleep. I thought of it as like practice so that if it will happen, it wouldn't be as painful. I probably thought of every way a person could possibly die but I didn't think of murder at all. I never thought that one of my family would and could be murdered. 'Til this day, I still find it hard to believe that my father was - it's just way beyond everything worst in this world. I realize that sometimes things aren't exactly what you always imagined - they're even worse.

When I was in college, and my parents are in their 50s, I knew that death's coming. And I would imagine myself crying on the phone, telling my friends and my boyfriend at that time (I thought we'd end up in marriage- as always), and vice versa. I was afraid that it will come.
And then it came. It started when my dear friend Brenda Espinosa died. And then some of my colleagues lost their parents. And then there's my father's murder. And recently, my dear friend and mother of one of my closest friends in the world, Cita Malanog, died. It's sad.

So this is it. This is what I've been always been afraid of all my life. Death, it's here. I hope I'm strong enough for it.


  1. =( thats sad.. Praying for the comfort of your heart shen through all these painful moments in your life.

    I always say to God i'd rather die than to see any of my family member die..but I ask Him now to give me a longer life to spend with my daughter..

    No matter how we set our minds over this matter.. It still remain to be the painful separation from the people we dearly love.

  2. yeah.. death is always painful..there's no getting over it, really..